TOP TEN MONDAYS!!! Now, I know that I put up a poll on the right side of my blog asking for feedback on this week's Top 10 list. And I also know that the topic "Top 10 ways to Tell if you're a Music Major" won by the landslide victory of 3 votes to 2. However, as Editor-In-Chief of WDWG, I am forgoing the public opinion for one more week because I came across a goldmine of material of the victory. Thus, if you feel strongly about next week's Top 10 topic, simply vote and I will consider you're opinion. However, thanks to a recent forwarded email from my mother, today's topic is: Dave's Top 10 Ways to Know If You Live in America!!!! I can't claim that any of these are my original material, but they're all hilarious. And I may or may not have submitted one of my own by accident:)
- #10-We use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. How many of you are guilty of this?*
- #9-We buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. You think a simple phone between food distribution plants could have saved Americans a bunch of money and stress.
- #8-The pizza guy can get to your house faster than an ambulance. I think it would be a good idea to start letting pizza guys drive the ambulances. Then pizza companies could have deals like: BREAK A BONE AND GET A FREE LARGE 1-TOPPING FREE!
- #7- People order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. Who's guilty of this?** I suppose it would make more sense to get a regular coke and have you're burger wrapped in a lettuce leaf. That makes it healthier right?
- #6-We have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. I want to know who was the first blind person to figure this out.
- #5- We leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Well, if you put you useless junk in your driveway, then you can't back your car out.
- #4- Drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Maybe the drugstore's rational is that the extra walking will the make the sick people healthier? And maybe the extra smoking will make the healthy people eventually need prescriptions? Who knows.
- #3- If you pass a road sign that says "Welcome to America." Where else could you be!?
- #2- There are handicap parking places in front of skating rinks. This is kind of like the Braille ATM one.
- #1- Banks leave both doors wide open and then chain the pens to the counters. What injustice! What did the pens ever do to the tellers?
So there you have it. If you ever find yourself wondering what country you live in, you now have a handy-dandy*** quick-reference guide.
Speaking of the polar ice caps, the temperature on the campus Illinois Wesleyan has exponentially decreased within the last 36 hours. Last night, Adams Hall was a refrigerator. I was absolutely freezing. Nothing makes a Monday morning worse than realizing that there is about a 30 degree difference between the outside temperature and the temperature under your covers. However, my Monday morning greatly improved about 30 minutes ago when I found out that my music history class was cancelled.
Baseball postseason is just around the corner. Sadly, after a potential thrilling Wild Card run, my Atlanta Braves have fizzled in this last week and won't be playing the rest of October.
In football news, the Packers play the Vikings tonight on Monday Night Football. We'll see how Brett Favre handles playing his old team.
*- rhetorical question
**- what if there were no rhetorical questions?
***- 10 points for every time you use "handy-dandy" in a sentence today
1 comment:
Remember... Jesus loves Brett Favre (at least I think so)
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