The Nation Enters National Holiday Discomfort Week

I am officially suffering from holidactoklytaphobia (hall-id-ackto-klite-uh-fobia)*. Christmas was 3 days ago, and New Year's isn't until Friday. Therefore, I find myself, and America included, suffering from a severe case of Christmas Withdrawal and New Year's Anticipation at the same time! As of now, there is no known vaccine for this ailment, but if one should ever become available, I will be first in line.

The first symptoms of holidactoklytaphobia hit me when I got in the car this morning. I turned on the radio, and instead of hearing a wonderful Bing Crosby Christmas classic, my ears were pulverized by "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Taylor, and all the visions of sugar plums that were dancing in my head immediately flew south.** Is Christmas seriously over? You'd think the radio stations could play Christmas songs for just a few more months (until say...November) to allow use Christmas lovers a chance for closure.

College football does not help those of us suffering from this epidemic. Sure, there are minor bowl games, such as the Mienke Bowl, the Little Caesar's Pizza Bowl, the Music City Bowl, the Cheddar Cheese Dip Bowl, the Grandma's Antique Porcelain Bowl, but for us avid football fans, we want to see the big games***. However, unfortunately for us suffering from holidactoklytaphobia the "big games" (the Rose Bowl, the Fiesta Bowl, the Sugar Bowl, the Spice Bowl, the Everything Nice Bowl, etc...) do not begin until New Year's Day. Thus, we must spend this entire week wallowing in our misery.

Other symptoms of holidactoklytaphobia include, but are not limited to:

• counting down the days until next year's Christmas
• returning all your Christmas gifts to the wrong stores.
• making a rough draft of your "New Year's Resolutions" days in advance
• not taking down your Christmas lights...
• ...until November
• thinking that 2010 is going to be the year the Cubs win the World Series.
• singing Christmas carols in the shower (just kidding. This actually alleviates symptoms)
• starting your Christmas shopping for next year.
• watching "Elf" over and over again.
• memorizing the lyrics to "Auld Lang Syne."

I could go on and on, but one of the most common symptoms of holidactoklytaphobia is stressing over the numerous symptoms. Thus, I am forced to take a respite to lie down and sing Christmas carols.

Look for a TOP 10 Things That Happened to Dave in 2009 to be coming soon...hopefully while it's still 2009.

*- this word derives its origins from several origins. "Holida-" comes from our English word "holiday." "Dactoklyt" comes from the root word "misodoctakleidist," which means "someone who doesn't like to practice the piano." And "klytaphoobia" means "someone who is suffering from holidactoklytaphobia, but doesn't know how to spell it."

**- I don't mean to slam Bonnie's musical talent. I like the song. Just not on Dec. 28th.

***- no offense to anybody who played in any of those lesser Bowl games. If you played in those games, your team obviously deserves to be congratulated (even if you lost). And if any college football player is actually reading this blog, than you may have just cured my holidactoklytaphobia.